Attention Paid
by RoaringMice
Summary: John comes back from a mission and he’s not quite himself. Rodney thinks he knows what’s going on, but he doesn’t know the half of it. SLASH.
1. Chapter 1

**Team:** Home (McShep Match challenge)  
**Prompt:** Dead Ringer  
**Pairing(s):** McKay/Sheppard

**Warnings:** Spoilers for season 4 Doppelganger, but one need not have seen that episode to read this story. Swears, especially toward the end. **Slash. **

x-x

- NOW -

Rodney stared up at the ceiling arching overhead, his vision filled with the calm blue light that was so typical of Atlantis. He couldn't breathe. Maybe he should panic about that?

"Medical team to the 'gate room."

It seemed like he should panic, like he would have, not that long ago, but something was different now. He wasn't sure what it was, but something had changed. He didn't feel panicked over his lack of breath. He was supposed to be doing something. Something important.

Right, the 'gate. He had to get to the gate. He tried to roll over, tried to move, but he couldn't. And maybe he should panic about that as well, but there were faces overhead, activity around him, someone calling his name, and his heart beat madly, filling his ears, and then nothing.

And then everything, as he felt himself hoisted up and flung over someone's shoulder, then the pain as they sprinted, probably toward the infirmary, every step an agony. Then even that started to slip away as he watched the floor blur by, and only then realised that he was riding, head down, on someone's shoulder. Lorne's. On Lorne's shoulder.

The voices got loud around him, and he was thrown, and tugged, and, and… And.

- THEN -

"Medical team to the 'gate room."

As the words crackled across Rodney's earpiece his head shot up. Someone must have been injured. He hadn't even heard the 'gate activate, although you'd think, with all the fuss and fury that involved, he would have, but he'd been so involved in fiddling with this damn thing that maybe he'd spaced it. Who was off world, anyway? It was the middle of the damn night.

His fingers clenched to the edge of the console he'd been working on. If something had happened to Teyla, or God, to Sheppard. He was close enough; the damn 'gate room was just down the hall. Dropping his wrench, he took off – not quite at a full run, but certainly at an extremely fast walk.

It was supposed to be a simple mission to New Athos. Nothing big, more of a chance for Teyla to visit people than anything else, so Rodney and Ronon hadn't gone. Sheppard and Teyla had done it a million times before. A brief visit, go there, say hi, come back, no big deal.

Rodney rushed into the 'gate room, and right into a swirl of activity, the med team standing off to the side as huge circle of the 'gate, already activated, loomed over them. Rodney tapped his fingers against his thigh, eyes, like those of everyone else in the room, on the 'gate, the brightest thing in the night darkened space. He tried to stay in the background, keep his face composed as befitted a concerned member of Sheppard's team, and not… He closed his eyes briefly, blocking that thought.

He had never told Sheppard how he felt. Sheppard was military, for Christ's sake, and he was not willing to jeopardize that. He wasn't even sure if Sheppard swung that way; and even if he did, Sheppard had not once in their years on Atlantis even hinted at being attracted to men in general, or to Rodney in particular. And the man was way out of his league anyway. Not a chance. But none of that changed how he felt. He just tried not to let it show. Not even in situations like this, come all too often, with Sheppard possibly being hurt, or worse.

A looming presence slid in beside him, and he didn't even need to look to know that Ronon was there. It helped, having him there, like a mountain of confidence by his side. Still, he clenched his hands into fists, waiting for the inevitable.

When Sheppard strode through the gate with Teyla on his heel, it was so anti-climatic that Rodney felt himself deflate. He exhaled audibly, and Ronon bumped his shoulder gently.

Sheppard's eyes met his, and he saw a flicker of a smile there before the man was surrounded by medics and Teyla was explaining to Sam that they'd, "…been at the settlement, where one of the children had found something that appeared to be Ancient technology. Apparently, one of them had found it when they'd been here on Atlantis, and they'd been playing with it for some time without the adults knowing about it." Her eyes moved from Sam to Rodney, and she gave him a wry look. "They thought it was a ball. It was not until John touched it that they realised it was not."

Rodney could imagine the scene. Sheppard, with his super-powered Ancient gene, probably had taken one step too close to the "ball", and the thing had lit up like a Christmas tree.

"You'd said you needed a medical team," Sam said, concern darkening her features.

"It's nothing," Sheppard drawled, typically nonchalant despite the medics buzzing around him.

Teyla simply arched a brow in response, then turned back to Sam. "When the device activated, the Colonel seemed to… it was as if he went blank," she finished with a frown. "It took some time before he was himself again."

"I'm fine," Sheppard said, from his expression obviously bothered by all the fuss.

"Still," Sam said, clearly doubtful. "I'd like you to see Doctor Keller, just to be safe."

Sheppard nodded, seeming resigned to his fate, and followed the medics toward the door. As Ronon stepped forward and spoke to Sam, Teyla turned toward Rodney and held out her leather bag. "I brought it back, just in case," she said, lifting the bag in his direction.

Thing couldn't be that big if it fit in there. He took the bag with a sharp nod, eyes following Sheppard as he left.

Teyla's gentle voice came from in front of him. "He's probably fine."

He nodded again, eyes still on Sheppard until the man was out of sight. "I'll, erm…" he said, gaze finally meeting her warm brown eyes.

Her expression changed, just slightly, and Rodney wondered just how much he was actually hiding. "I'll check this," he said awkwardly, turning away quickly so that he wouldn't reveal any more. With a confidence in his step that he didn't feel, he strode toward his lab.

x-x

He could understand why the kids might have thought it was a ball. Sitting propped in a ring he'd rigged from a hand towel, the device was completely cylindrical, blue, and… he poked it with one finger… kind of squishy. The thing probably did bounce, although he wasn't quite ready to test that theory. The only thing that let him know it wasn't a child's rubber ball – other than fact that it was semi-transparent and almost entirely smooth – was the text going around its circumference. Pulling his desk lamp closer, he peered at the line of script. It looked like some sort of variation on Ancient, but he'd need to dig into it to be sure. Maybe that linguist could help, Darcy, Darby… Anyway, he thought, leaning back in his chair, eyes moving to the moonlight coming through the nearest window. It wasn't working now. Maybe it needed a stronger gene carrier to activate it. Or maybe whatever Sheppard had done had shorted it out. Typical. They find something new, and it's broken.

He heard the door open, and looked up to see Sheppard walking through the doorway, hair looking a bit wilted, for once. The man looked tired. Understandable. It was well past midnight.

Rodney stood and stretched his back, and then his neck. "Jennifer let you out?" he asked with a yawn.

"After a full battery of tests," Sheppard said, approaching the table with a wan smile. He placed both hands on its surface, eyes on the device. "You been working on this thing since I got back?"

"Yeah," Rodney said. He raised a sarcastic brow. "Did she do that fun test with the…?"

Sheppard raised an insolent gaze. "No. That one, I managed to avoid."

"Thank God," Rodney said. He rubbed at the back of his neck with his palm. He'd been hunched over this device for far too long. "So, what did the good doctor think?"

"Whatever happened, she says I'm fine now." Sheppard gave a tired smile as he moved to Rodney's side of the table. "She told me to come back if anything weird happens."

"Weird, like, believing in flux capacitors weird?" Rodney asked with a sideward glance to Sheppard.

"I didn't…" Sheppard sputtered. "You're never going to let that drop, are you?" he said, seeming resigned to his fate.

"No," Rodney said simply.

Sheppard gave him his snarky half smile in return. "You figure out what this thing is yet?" he asked, indicating the object on the table before them. As he lowered his arm, the back of his hand brushed Rodney's, just slightly, then away.

Rodney stretched his neck again, trying to work out the kinks. He waved a hand toward the object. "Well, no. I mean, I think it's broken –" He cut off when Sheppard stepped directly behind him, well within his personal space. He could actually feel the heat coming off the man, and then he froze as strong hands began rubbing his shoulders. This was new. This was different. This was… Sheppard's fingers trailed up his neck into his hair, and it was all Rodney could do not to gasp. "Shep – John," he amended, voice rough. "What are you doing?" Sure, it was past midnight, but this was his lab. Anyone could walk in and assume something that the Colonel probably wasn't intending.

"I'm giving you a back rub," Sheppard said frankly. "Would you rather I turn this thing on instead?" he said, suddenly all innuendo and suggestion, and at that, Rodney did gasp, because wow, so out of character, and wow, erm… yes to both, actually.

Sheppard swung a hand toward the device, which suddenly lit up with an inner glow that cast soft light across the desk.

Okay, Rodney thought, torn between the device and whatever Sheppard… er…. John was trying, which, if he thought about it, was obvious, and maybe he should stop thinking now, because if he thought too much about this, he might miss out on the feel of John's hands against his neck, the shiver he felt as the man raked his fingers up through his hair again, the heat of John's breath as it puffed against the nape of his neck.

Maybe John was intending what Rodney thought he was intending.

John's hands slid down his neck to his shoulders, coming forward to massage his chest just below his collar bone.

Definitely, John was intending what he thought he was intending. This was completely out of character, and no way was he going to take advantage of… whatever had… Oh, God, right there, he thought as John hit a knot of tension he'd not even realised he'd had. Whatever the hell else John was, he was brilliant at giving backrubs. And, er… this was not right, but he wished that it was.

John's hands drifted back and lower, trailing along the waistband of Rodney's trousers, and Rodney actually had to close his eyes and brace himself to prepare for what he did next.

He stepped away.

Turning sharply, he pointed an accusing finger at John. "You. Infirmary. Now."

John's eyes widened in shock, but when Rodney didn't budge, his brow creased, and he held out an imploring hand.

Before he could say a word, Rodney shook his head. "Now," and with a gentle push, he turned John toward the door, and marched him back to the infirmary.

x-x

_Please review and let me know what you think so far. Thanks. _


	2. Chapter 2

x-x

The object was still softly glowing, but this time, Rodney eyed it warily. He propped one of his little "do not touch under penalty of death" signs up beside it, and focused one of the lab's monitoring devices on it before he turned off the desk lamp and headed toward his room.

When he reached it, he shrugged out of his clothing and slipped into bed without even bothering to turn on the lights – the moonlight coming in through the window was enough to see by, and all he wanted to do was stare up at the ceiling for a while and let his mind run through the evening's events.

After he'd explained to Jennifer that John had been acting unlike himself, without giving away exactly what he meant by that, he'd taken off, because if he'd stayed, John might have got the wrong impression. Or something.

Rodney pinched the bridge of his nose before letting his hand fall back to the mattress. He could not believe that John Sheppard had hit on him. Because that can't have been his imagination, and John absolutely was not joking around. John had actually hit on him. And he, Rodney McKay, king geek who hadn't had a date since Katie Brown, had TURNED HIM DOWN. Maybe something was wrong with him, rather than with John, because he'd have to be a complete idiot to have done that. Any man in his right mind would have jumped at the chance, and dealt with the consequences afterwards. Well, any man who was into guys and hell, probably half of those who weren't.

But he supposed he wasn't any man. Damn it.

Sure, he'd love it if John suddenly was willing to start a little bit of something, but: one, the man wasn't gay and two, he was military and three, even if he was a gay closeted good looking, military type, which, yeah, hot: why the hell would he try something with him? Rodney knew that he came off kind of cocky, so someone who didn't know him might think he'd just take John's coming on to him as normal, but fact was, he was smarter than most other people, so he was sometimes kind of arrogant, maybe, but that was about his intelligence. He was under no illusion that people actually found him attractive. Well, not that he was ugly or anything, but come on – John Sheppard? Even his hair was hot.

And John was, above all else, his friend. He wouldn't jeopardize that friendship, or John's career, because John had lost his damn mind. No matter how much he wanted to.

With a groan, he rolled over and pulled his blankets up over his head. If John was hitting on him, then something was seriously wrong, and Rodney strongly suspected it had something to do with that device.

x-x

Rodney stomped into his lab, causing the scientists working at the nearest tables to scatter. And well they might, because he was pissed. He eyed the device sitting deceptively peacefully on the far table, his "keep the bleep away" sign still firmly in place. He didn't know what that thing had done to John, but he intended to find out.

Jennifer had said that John was fine, and she'd sent him back to his quarters. When Rodney had pressed her on it, she'd sent him away with a firm, "You know I can't tell you," and while yes, she was right because of the whole doctor/patient thing, still, this was John they were talking about, and, damn it, but fine? Hardly. John hadn't been acting fine.

Maybe he'd pulled it together around Jennifer, or… or maybe it had only been a momentary blip, and John really was okay now, back in his quarters, sleeping it off. Rodney maybe bought that, maybe didn't. Or…

Or maybe John really was gay, but put up an extremely successful front. And maybe the device, whatever it had done to him otherwise, if anything, had made him tired – the man had looked exhausted – and his guard had been down, and he'd done something he'd not intended. Or maybe Rodney was just reading something into all this that wasn't there. But he doubted that. He knew what he'd felt.

Or maybe… And yeah, maybe that was right, he thought, snapping his fingers as he spun through the idea. Maybe John actually had been fine when Jennifer had checked him over. Maybe John had to be near the device in order for it to work its magic on him.

Rodney cast a frustrated look at the device, but the stupid thing wasn't even glowing now. It must have overloaded or something. Or maybe it needed John again.

"You and me both," Rodney muttered.

x-x

"Hey!"

Rodney stopped so suddenly that the people behind him nearly collided with him. "Hey," he answered hesitantly, turning to face the last person he really wanted to see, who also happened to be the very person he was looking for.

John smiled that quirky smile that Rodney found so sexy. "You heading for lunch?"

"I was," Rodney replied, hands clenched nervously behind his back. His eyes roved the people streaming around them, most of whom were likewise probably heading for the mess. "Jennifer checked you out?" he asked, even though he knew she had.

"Yeah," John replied. "She said all I am is tired, probably something residual from yesterday, so she gave me the day off." He yawned, then looked sheepish. "I'm actually heading for a nap now."

"Good, good," Rodney said distractedly. Perhaps he had been right, and John had been acting weird because he was tired. The man seemed to be acting like himself right now. "But no," he added quickly, coming to himself again. "Actually, I wanted to have you come back to the lab. I have some ideas about that device."

"Now?" John asked around another yawn.

"It'll only take a few minutes." Rodney said, almost apologetic. The man really did look wiped.

They spent the few minutes it took to get to the lab talking about the people on New Athos, and during none of that conversation did John even hint at anything even vaguely off-colour or suggestive. By the end of their walk, Rodney was starting to believe that it had all been in his head, or maybe John had just been joking with him or something. Still, he had John come into the lab, which was empty but for Zelenka and a few others, and turn on the device, then stand there for a few minutes while Rodney waited for… he wasn't sure what, but something to happen. When a full ten minutes had passed, and John had yawned for the umpteenth time, Rodney waved him away with a frustrated, "You're good, thanks."

"So I'll…" John pointed in the direction of the door, making to move off.

Rodney nodded. "You can go take your nap now."

"Actually," John said, stepping closer, and Rodney's heart went to his throat, because he could see the change in John's eyes, in his posture. Suddenly, everything about the man was just slightly different. "I was wondering if you wouldn't join me?"

"In your nap?" Rodney gasped, eyes going to the scientists working across the room.

John caressed Rodney's jaw with the back of a finger, and Rodney inhaled audibly. It was like John's touch went from his jaw directly to his –

"Hey. Woah," Rodney said, grabbing John by the arm and yanking him into the nearest office space slash alcove, where they'd have some modicum of privacy. He didn't think anyone had caught that last, but there was no way to tell. He looked at John, sure that the man could see the panic in his eyes. "Not in public, okay? If someone saw you…"

And with that, John leaned in and kissed him, desperate and dirty. Rodney couldn't help but respond, especially when John wound a hand around his back and pulled him closer, because God, that was… Oh, that was something.

He knew, from this angle at least, if anyone walked past the door, if they looked at all, they could only see part of John's back. So for a moment – for just this one bloody moment – he gave in. His tongue touched John's lower lip as he inhaled the man's scent, and he grabbed onto John's belt, anchoring himself there as he tumbled, headlong, into whatever this was.

But before he could bring himself to pull away, John stepped back. "I knew you liked me," he said with a slow smile and, before Rodney could even think up a response, John had turned and walked away.

Rodney stood there, stunned, for once completely at a loss. He ran a rough hand through his hair, sure that it was useless, and straightened his trousers.

As he stepped from the room, he saw John in the lab, talking to one of the science underlings, or was that minions? He was sure there was some more politically correct term, and the person probably had an actual name, if he could remember it… Anyway, John slid a glance in his direction, and licked his lip – licked his lip! Before turning away.

Rodney stared at John's back. He knew that he should go over there and force John to return to the doctor, but what was the point? Jennifer had just checked him out twice in twelve hours, and had found nothing wrong. And maybe John was okay. After all, he'd only recently turned forty, right? Forty one? Maybe this was some sort of midlife crisis, although forty was hardly midlife any longer, especially considering that ass. That was not the ass of a middle-aged man.

Rodney tore his eyes away from the part in question. Oh, he was in so much trouble.

He had to make this stop. If not for John, then for himself.

x-x


	3. Chapter 3

_Thanks for your comments so far. _

x-x

Rodney entered the infirmary, grateful to find Jennifer there, seemingly alone. He really needed privacy for what he was about to do.

The doctor's head was bent over a computer tablet, and she had a bunch of medical supplies laid out on one of the beds. She held up a finger as she entered data into the computer. Once she finished, she looked up apologetically. "Sorry."

"Doctor Keller," Rodney started.

"Jennifer," she answered with a smile, stepping around the bed and closing the distance between them. "What can I do for you?" she asked, sliding the tablet onto the nearest counter and giving him her full attention, her eyes sparkling warmly. She really was a beautiful woman.

"See, now, there it is," he said, hands arcing out in frustration as he pointed vehemently at her. "If the man had a brain left in his head, he'd be hitting on you, not on me."

"Excuse me?" Jennifer asked, brows flying up to her hairline.

"John –" He cut himself off and dropped his voice. "I mean, can I speak to you privately?"

"There's no one else here," Jennifer said, her gaze turning worried as she – God, was she evaluating him? He should be the least of her concerns.

Rodney heaved a sigh. "No, it's not me. It's John. He's been acting…" He held up both hands, stopping himself. Knowing there was nothing else for it, he went on with a wince. "He's been hitting on me."

Jennifer raised an eyebrow, now clearly amused. "And that's a problem why, exactly?"

"And that's a problem because he's the military commander of this damned base," Rodney said, words coming out in a torrent. "So even if he was gay, which I don't think he is, the fact that he's hitting on me in public, in a crowded lab, and that all this started only after he blanked out from that device…" He waved a hand in a circular, et cetera type motion, then he started digging through his bag.

"Right," she said, leaning back on her heels. She seemed to be getting it. "And that's why you –"

"Sent him to see you earlier, yes. So can you fix him?" he asked, finally pulling out the device and setting it on the nearest exam table. "I brought the device in case it helps."

Jennifer looked over the device, then raised her gaze to meet his. "Is that thing safe?"

Rodney nodded sharply. "It only seems to affect John."

"Might have been easier if you'd told me all this from the start," she said, seeming a bit less than pleased.

He wrapped his arms around himself. "Yeah, well, I was afraid it'd end up in his record, and the Air Force would boot him out or worse. You know," he said, raising his hands as if framing a marquee, " 'Device turns military commander gay' is not exactly how I think John would prefer to end his career."

"You're not worried about that now?"

"Actually, I was hoping you wouldn't…" He made a typing motion with his hands. "And even if you have to, I figure telling you has to be better than having someone military out there see him pull me into some alcove and –"

Jennifer raised both palms to stop him. "I'll call him, get him to come down."

"Good. Great," Rodney said, backing toward the door. "Ask him about, you know, me, and see what he says because, you know…" The door opened behind him as he made a circular motion with a finger at his temple. "Not right."

He turned, and slammed straight into the man himself.

"Rodney," John drawled. He'd grabbed Rodney by the upper arms when they'd collided, and now he rubbed that area gently, a movement so slight that Rodney wasn't sure Jennifer could have seen it, if she'd even been looking, which he had no idea because he was trapped staring into John's eyes, and he wasn't sure he could turn away, even if he'd wanted to. But whether or not she'd seen it, he himself, oh, yes, he could feel it, heat going from that source and running through his entire body.

"Colonel," Jennifer said, and when John's eyes lifted to look at her, Rodney took that opportunity, such as it was, to step away. "I was just about to call you," she continued.

"Really," John said, his voice holding a hint of suggestion as he stepped toward her, letting his body brush past Rodney's as he moved, and no way was that a mistake.

Rodney turned warily to face Jennifer, whose expression was clearly a mix of amusement and surprise. So she had noticed. Good. Rodney caught her eye. "Fix him," he mouthed silently.

"Is there a problem, Doctor?" John asked, sliding up onto the bed she'd waved him onto.

"Just some additional tests I'd like to run," she said with a pleasant smile, firmly in professional mode now. She nodded to Rodney. "If you wouldn't mind," she said, indicating the door.

"Actually," John said, twisting to face Rodney. "Could you stay?"

Rodney looked to Jennifer, and she nodded. Actually, that might be a good idea, especially if it really was the case that the only time John acted weird was when they were together, and that device was around. Maybe he could get John to… Oh, shit. But he could do this. At great personal sacrifice, mind, but it must be done.

Feigning confidence, he stepped to John's bedside and, purposefully, lay his hand, palm down, on the surface mere inches from where John was sitting. As Jennifer buzzed around them poking, prodding, and generally playing doctor, sure enough, John's hand crept across those inches and settled on top of his.

Jennifer, to her credit, didn't even break stride. "So, are you and Rodney in a relationship?" she asked, using a light to look into John's eyes.

"Not quite yet, but I'm working on it," John said with a smile. He turned his head and caught Rodney's eye. "I do like you."

Jennifer stilled in her ministrations, watching their interaction.

"Yeah, I can kind of tell," Rodney replied uncomfortably.

John cocked his head to the side, and frowned. "Don't you like me?"

There was a whole world of promise in that question. "Yeah," Rodney said, suddenly unsure of where he stood. "I mean. Yeah, I like you. I like you a lot. But that doesn't mean…"

He lost the rest of that sentence when John reached out, grabbed him by the back of the neck, and drew him in for a kiss.

Rodney melted into it – how could he not? He felt John's tongue touch his lip, and he opened, falling further into the sensations. Until he heard someone clear a throat from quite nearby. He broke away and, feeling a mad blush creeping up his cheeks, met Jennifer's eye briefly before he looked down – down to where his hand was still clasped in John's.

"Colonel," Jennifer said, obviously a bit nonplussed.

"You can call me John," he replied with a self-satisfied smile.

"John," she amended. "Rodney tells me that this behaviour isn't like you."

"In what way?" John asked, seeming truly clueless.

Rodney cut across them. "Public displays of affection? Coming on to me? Does that whole "Don't ask, don't tell" thing mean nothing to you? I didn't even know you were gay."

"I'm not," John said, eyes clear and focused entirely on Rodney.

"Oh," Rodney said, surprised at how disappointed that made him feel. And he it wasn't as if he didn't know that. It was simply proof of his theory.

"I'm bi," John said frankly.

Rodney blinked, struck dumb, for once. "Okay," Rodney finally said, more than a bit thrown by that. "Still, it's not like you."

John squeezed his hand and gave him a warm half smile. "Maybe I woke up."

"I don't think so," Rodney said, sliding his hand out from under John's. "The only time you do anything erm…" He looked to Jennifer for help, but she gave him a shrug with an amused twinkle in her eye.

This was all too much. The situation was getting way out of hand. It was bad enough, that John was sick or something, but what the hell had he, Rodney McKay, done to the Fates to get them to make it so the object of his unrequited affection was, while obviously completely insane, actually trying to give him everything he'd ever wanted? How the hell was he supposed to act, when he knew he should pull away, should leave, but all he wanted to do was grab John, run to his quarters, throw him against the nearest wall and –

Rodney backed away from the table, not meeting anyone's eyes as he did so. "I need to get out of here," he murmured, more to himself than to anyone else. Then, louder, he waved toward the device and said, "I'll leave that in case it…" He waved toward John. "For the tests," he added, already halfway out the door.

He spent the rest of that day and part of the next thinking over the problem and purposefully avoiding the infirmary. It wasn't until he'd sent one of the lab flunkies over to retrieve the device that he learned that Jennifer had cleared John for duty some time before, and he was on New Athos with Teyla again. So he'd called the doctor, well and truly pissed, and she'd told him – and he knew she was doing him a favour by telling him this much – that she'd run every test in the book and John had checked out fine. That maybe John really had "woken up", as he'd said in the infirmary. That, if Rodney really reciprocated those feelings, maybe he should…

Rodney spun away from the device with a groan. Not likely. He may be a bit of an ass, sometimes, but he wasn't enough of an ass to take advantage of a friend who was, quite obviously, not himself.

He'd have to take this to a higher power.

x-x

"How do you know it's the device?" Sam asked. She was sitting on her bed with a book open beside her. She was dressed in casual clothing, her blond hair pulled haphazardly into a ponytail, all of which had surprised Rodney when he'd first arrived at her door. That is, until he realised it was ten o'clock at night.

"I just do," Rodney said, hands clenched in his lap as he sat, stiffly, in her desk chair. "I know, his med tests checked out," he said quickly, seeing that she was about to speak. "But, I mean, nothing else fits."

Sam frowned. "You'd said he's not acting like himself. What, specifically, have you noticed?"

"Sam," he said cautiously, considering this carefully. "You know? I'd really…" He waved a hand vaguely, dropped it to his lap, and sighed. There was nothing else for it. "We've worked together for a long time, and I know you don't… Well, you trust me, right?" he asked.

She nodded. "I do."

"So trust me when I say that I can't go into the details with you. That, in fact, you really don't want me to go into the details."

Sam gave him an evaluative look.

"Trust me on this," he said solemnly.

The thing was, he wanted to tell her. He had a hunch that, unlike Jennifer, she'd take him at his word about John's behaviour being off, no matter what the tests said. But the fact was, Sam was military and although he respected her, for something like this… Her knowing the truth could jeopardize John's career. To be entirely honest, he didn't know what she'd do, where she'd feel her loyalties would lie: with John, or with the Air Force. So despite the fact that he liked her, as a person, that he respected her, as a scientist and a leader, he couldn't trust her with this. Not yet.

"All right," Sam said, her voice low. "I'll get him back here."

"Thank you," he said, feeling like complete shit. She trusted him enough to believe him, even though he'd given her no evidence, and in fact had been purposefully evasive. Thing was, though, he absolutely could not tell her, and that gnawed at him, so despite the fact that he'd just got what he wanted, he felt like complete crap about it. The fact was, if John was gay, or bi, or whatever, it was for John to tell her, if and when he chose to, not for Rodney to make that decision for him. Not if he could help it. Not if he could find an alternative.

"Thank you," he said again, not quite meeting her eye as he fled the room.

x-x

Rodney paced the space outside the exam room, waiting for Jennifer to call him in. John had been in there with her for close to an hour, the first half, without the device present, and the second, with it there. Rodney knew that Jennifer's next step would be to call him in, and Rodney dreaded that moment. He knew that John would probably get all… whatever with him again, and Jennifer would be right there, watching, and that this time, if John continued to act weird, and they couldn't figure it out, he'd have to come clean with Sam.

He should have told Sam, right up front, what was really going on with John. That, or waited until John was due to come back from New Athos. But no, that would have been too risky. He had to get Sam to bring John back. But he should have told her. Maybe.

He wasn't sure what he'd expected, or how he'd thought he'd keep all this secret once they called John back from New Athos, but he supposed he'd been so intent on protecting his friend that he hadn't been thinking clearly. And maybe he and Jennifer could still figure this out without involving Sam or anyone else military. Maybe.

The door in front of him opened, and Jennifer popped her head out. "We're ready," she said, and he answered with a nod.

He entered the room to find John sitting on one of the beds with his back to the door. Other than the three of them, the room was empty. Thank God, because he was sure that, whatever was about to happen, it wasn't going to be pretty.

Jennifer stopped by the bed and said, "Still can't find anything wrong."

"That's because I'm fine," John said, leaning back on his hands. His posture was relaxed, but he actually looked kind of annoyed. Which Rodney could understand. The man had been poked, prodded and questioned for over an hour, and this was his third exam in so many days.

Still, "You're not fine," Rodney said insistently, standing directly in front of John.

John raised his eyes slowly. "What are you talking about? The tests are all normal."

"There's something wrong with you," Rodney said. "Maybe something to do with that device. Maybe, like, like back on that planet, with that crystal thing and the dreams, you remember that, right?"

"You mean when that entity used me to infest other people's dreams, and Kate ended up dead?" If anything, John looked annoyed edging on angry now. "Yeah, I remember."

Okay, that made Rodney feel like complete shit. Again. Awkwardly, he went on. "Well, something got in you – "

John raised a sultry brow. "I know someone I'd like in me."

"You see what I mean?" Rodney spluttered, and despite his surprise at John's sudden change in mood, he felt himself blush from the insinuation that was more than an insinuation. He turned to Jennifer, at a loss, then back to John again. "You're not quite yourself."

"How so?" John asked, as if he were humouring Rodney.

But Rodney was ready with the answer. "Since when have you ever said anything like, 'I know someone I'd like in me' to anyone, never mind in front of someone you barely know?" Rodney answered, indicating Jennifer with a wave.

John looked pensive, but then he seemed to shrug it off. "Maybe that's true," he said. "Maybe I'm not quite myself. But I do like you. So let's make a deal, all right?"

"A deal?" Rodney asked, not sure where John was going with this.

"Yeah, a deal," John said, voice low. "Let's say that that device has affected me. If it has, it hasn't done anything more than free up feelings I already had."

"What?" Rodney said, barely able to choke even that much out.

"It's not that I'm not myself, Rodney," John said, sliding forward on the bed. He reached for Rodney's hand, and held it. "If anything, I'm just kind of freer about some stuff. So let's make a deal." He rubbed a soft finger along Rodney's palm, and Rodney suddenly felt a not at all unpleasant chill. "You like me, I like you. Let's try this, and see where it goes."

Rodney knew that he should pull away. If John had been affected by this device, it was Rodney's job to be the responsible one, and pull away. But he couldn't find it in himself to do so. Not with John holding his hand, caressing his palm. Not with John looking up at him, hazel eyes full of warm heat.

"Fuck, John," Rodney murmured.

John raised a suggestive eyebrow at that one.

He heard Jennifer shuffle some papers nearby, probably on purpose. He frowned, and slid his hand from John's. "I can't," he said, the very words tearing at him. "It's not right."

"You're probably right," John said, looking a bit disappointed, but resigned. "So let's say the device did do something to me." He sat back on the bed again, his gaze taking in both Rodney and Jennifer now. "Which I'm still not sure I buy. Maybe if we return the thing to New Athos, this whatever will go away."

Rodney pursed his lips, thinking on that one.

"Not such a good idea," Jennifer piped in. She looked concerned. "Someone else might find it."

"But this only affects John," Rodney said.

"That we know of," Jennifer said. "Nothing shows up on tests. How do I know it's not affecting, oh, I don't know, you?" she asked, waving toward him.

"What?" Rodney asked, taking a step back in sudden panic. His mind started racing through his own behaviour over the past several days, looking for anomalies. Not that he'd recognise them. It's not like John had even realised…

"It's not affecting Rodney," John said.

"And how do you know that?" Rodney shot out. "It's not like you knew…"

"Yes, but you did," John said, eyes affectionate. "Believe me, if you'd changed, I'd know," he said with meaning.

"Oh," Rodney said, suddenly deflated. John was probably right. If John was interested in him half as much as he was interested in John, John probably would have noticed.

"But Jennifer is right," John said. "We probably shouldn't bring it back to New Athos. Too risky. So we'll stick it in some vault somewhere half across the city, here on Atlantis. You can observe me, make sure I go back to normal, and we're all good, right?"

"And if not?" Rodney asked. He knew he should be happy, but he was already feeling the loss.

"And if not," John said, "You'll figure it out."

"Yeah, all right," Rodney said, surprised at how confident those words sounded. "So, when?"

"No time like the present," Jennifer said, her words jovial on the surface, but Rodney could see the sadness in her eyes. She knew, damn it. She knew what John meant to him.

"Can you give us a moment?" John asked her.

She gave a soft half smile. "No problem."

As she left, John slid off the bed and stood inches away from Rodney. "Before we do this," John said, reaching out and clasping both of Rodney's hands in his own. "I have something I want you to have. Something that, once I'm myself again, I may not be able to give to you."

"All right," Rodney said, squeezing John's hands. "What is it?"

"This," John whispered. And with that, he tugged Rodney forward and into a kiss. Unlike their last kiss, which had been desperate and full of passion, this one was slow and gentle. Rodney closed his eyes, letting it happen, letting the feelings come over him, flow through him like water. And when John's hand drifted up to grasp his hair, he let it. And when John's teeth grazed his lower lip, and his mouth moved across his cheek to his neck, he let it. And when John raised their right hands, still clasped and then, smiling at him, kissed his wrist, he let that happen, too. It was when John suddenly bit, hard, in that tender area, that Rodney almost called out, almost pulled away, but then he didn't, because suddenly, that was all right. And as he felt the blood flow, and he felt it, whatever it was, flow into him, he was just fine with that, too.

x-x

_Please let me know what you think of this so far. Thanks!_


	4. Chapter 4

x-x

Rodney, bolstered by the slight weight of the device in his bag, and the feel of the gun in his hand, sprinted toward the 'gate room, heedless of the people he passed, and of whether or not they noticed him. He thought he heard someone call his name – Lorne, maybe – but he ignored it. He knew what he had to do, and these others simply didn't matter. He had to get to the 'gate. If he could get there, he could get the hell out of here, and then he'd be safe.

When he reached the 'gate room, it was like they'd been expecting him. The Marines who were on duty had their weapons up and pointed at him. But it didn't matter. He shot the first one in the shoulder while he ran toward the 'gate controls, the second in the leg before that Marine could even react.

It was the third one who took him down.

Rodney stared up at the ceiling arching overhead, his vision filled with the calm blue light that was so typical of Atlantis. He couldn't breathe. Maybe he should panic about that?

"Medical team to the 'gate room."

It seemed like he should panic, like he would have, not that long ago, but something was different now. He wasn't sure what it was, but something had changed. He didn't feel panicked over his lack of breath. He was supposed to be doing something. Something important.

Right, the 'gate. He had to get to the gate. He tried to roll over, tried to move, but he couldn't. And maybe he should panic about that as well, but there were faces overhead, activity around him, someone calling his name, and his heart beat madly, filling his ears, and then nothing.

And then everything, as he felt himself hoisted up and flung over someone's shoulder, then the pain as they sprinted, probably toward the infirmary, every step an agony. Then even that started to slip away as he watched the floor blur by, and only then realised that he was riding, head down, on someone's shoulder. Lorne's. On Lorne's shoulder.

The voices got really fucking loud around him, and he was thrown, and tugged, and, and… And.

x-x

Rodney woke to a shock of pain, in the center of a circle of people. Jennifer, face composed but eyes panicked. Lorne, blood smeared across one cheek, hair on end. And John.

"John," he tried to say, but failed.

"You were in cardiac arrest," Jennifer said, her voice sounding like it was coming from the bottom of a tin can.

"Again," he thought, but "John," he tried to say, and he felt someone grasp his hand, saw John's worried face.

"You're all right," John said. "It's gone."

"How?" Rodney managed to whisper.

"When your heart stopped," John said.

"Colonel," Jennifer said, her tone a warning.

"They're bringing you into surgery now," John said, but there was more than that behind the words. So much more, and in a flash, Rodney realised that John – not the whatever that had been in John, and then, in the end, in him; but John himself – who cared for him. Just as he cared for John.

And that should be enough, he thought as he felt himself be moved, felt John's hand slip from his own. It should be enough.

x-x

Rodney stared at himself in the mirror he'd put up in his quarters. How the hell the Ancients had been able to get ready without a mirror of some sort, he had no idea. Maybe they had some sort of magical "whatever" that they used to check themselves over before they left for the day – a magical whatever that the Atlantis team would probably discover tomorrow and think was some sort of Ancient cat food bowl or something.

Anyway, he looked like crap. But he supposed that was only natural, after what he'd been through. It had taken him a good long while to recover from both being shot and the surgical aftermath. If he looked a bit pale, if his eyes seemed shadowed, well, then that was due to the physical injuries he'd incurred, and so be it. He raked the comb through his hair one last time, doing his best with what little God had left him.

He remembered waking after the surgery they'd done to remove the bullets from his body. He'd been alone. Then there were doctors, nurses. When next he'd seen John, it had been all very friendly, if a bit muddled by pain killers, but it was like it had been before everything had happened. John had told him they'd squirreled the device somewhere in the depths of Atlantis, with a warning in both English and Ancient. John hadn't given even a hint that they had anything more than a working relationship verging on friendship, and Rodney hadn't seen him since.

Rodney wasn't a stupid man, and he could take the damn hint. So he'd let it lie, let it go. John was his friend. Hell, he was more than that to him, and if it took sacrifice on his part, maybe on both their parts, then that's what it was. Nothing he could do.

John was military. If his career was more important to him than Rodney was, then Rodney could understand that. It sucked, it made him want to scream, to take John by the shoulders and shake him, but the reality of it was, if John had asked him to give up his own career and go off with him to do… something… surf Big Sur or something - who the fuck knew - he wouldn't do it. He couldn't. And if that made him a complete bastard, well, what a fucking surprise that was.

His self-incriminations were interrupted by a knock at his door, rather than its chime, which was odd, but he answered it.

John stood there, looking awkward, but he did his best to cover it with his typical bravado. "You look like crap. How are you feeling?"

"Good, fine," Rodney said, waving the man in. "And you?"

As the door shut behind him, John echoed, "Good, fine." He slid into Rodney's desk chair as if he owned it, somehow managing to slouch in apparent comfort despite its straight backed Ancient design. Looking up at Rodney, he said without preamble, "Jennifer and her team think they figured out how all this happened."

"What?" Rodney said, hands clenching. Only then did he realise he still held the comb.

"Jennifer figures it got in me same way as it did you."

The bite, Rodney thought.

"Through the bloodstream," John finished.

Rodney lowered himself onto the bed, pulling his legs up in front of him. He'd figured – known – that the thing had got into him when John had bit his lip, but he hadn't had any proof.

John held up his hand, and pointed to a tiny cut on one finger, nearly healed, a pink mark against his pale skin. "I must have cut myself on the device when I touched it. Maybe it was even designed to activate when a strong enough gene carrier was nearby, and it extended some sort of blade or something."

Rodney rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Damn it, I should have seen that."

"The blade?" John asked, clearly confused. "It had to have retracted –"

"The device," Rodney said quickly, leaning forward across his knees. "It wasn't Ancient at all." He waved a hand dismissively. "I mean yeah, it had what seemed to be a variety of Ancient script on it, but the form of the device was all off. Ancient stuff is all angles and points."

"Gothic," John said, echoing Rodney's thoughts.

"Hmm…" Rodney said, surprised, yet again, at John's knowledge. He kept forgetting how broad an education the man actually had, he kept it hidden so well. "Well, this was completely different," Rodney went on. "No spires, no points, no angles. The stupid thing was round! And the script wasn't right."

"Yeah," John said uncertainly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, maybe. It's not like I remember."

"You don't remember?"

"Nothing after seeing the device on New Athos."

Which jibed with Rodney's own experiences. "Right, right," he said, suddenly getting it. "Like I don't remember anything after you bit me."

"Jennifer told me." John winced. "I'm sorry about that."

"It's all right," Rodney said. "Forget it." He only wished he could. "So some other group made that device, purposefully targeting Ancients. But it doesn't look Wraith. I wonder…" His mind spun through the possibilities.

John slid forward in the chair, closing the space between them. "You know you're the only person who thought there was anything wrong with me."

That snapped Rodney back to the present. "Yeah, well…" He let his voice trail off.

"How could you tell?"

Rodney tried to be evasive. "Noticed this, noticed that."

John stood and, in one smooth movement, sat down on the bed next to Rodney. "No one else noticed."

"I did," Rodney said, heart in his throat.

John gave him a soft smile. "There are some things I've noticed about you, as well." Reaching out slowly, he grasped Rodney's hand. "Stuff I've learned, too."

"Like what?" Rodney whispered, unable to do more than that. He was frozen in John's gaze, the centre of his universe suddenly the man before him.

"Like that it's way too easy to lose all this, Rodney." John's fingers traced along Rodney's palm as he said three simple words. "You. Atlantis. Home."

Rodney sat there in shock. This was not what he'd expected.

"If you're willing," John said, sotto voce.

Rodney stared into his eyes. Willing? John had no idea. Unable to say a word, Rodney nodded.

John's smile widened at first, then fell away. "We've got to play it kind of close to the vest."

"I'm not an idiot," Rodney shot out before he could stop himself. And he wasn't. He knew exactly what he was getting into, entering a relationship with someone in the military, and the idea of hiding rankled. But the idea of John? Somehow, he suspected it'd balance out.

"No kidding," John said, clearly amused at Rodney's comment.

Rodney couldn't help but smile at that one. Oh, and at the feel of John's hand in his own, and the promise of so much more. But he had to ask a question. "If you can't remember anything that happened, how did you even know I liked you?"

John smiled again, the rare one, the one that lit up his eyes. "No one else pays me as much attention."

"Oh," Rodney said, surprised that he'd revealed so much without knowing it.

"Yeah, 'Oh'," John said, tugging Rodney in for a kiss.

x-x

End

x-x


End file.
